Realizing You Already have it. Stop wanting, start embodying.
I used to see my life and ambitions fall into two buckets: the things I did have, and the things I didn’t have. Whereas I thought my goals and ambitions were months and years away, I discovered that wanting prevents us from doing.
What if you realized that you wanting to achieve certain things, is really admitting defeat and accepting that you don’t already have what you want. Well… YOU DO.
Well you do. It’s less about wanting it, and more about doing it, embodying it, progressing towards it.
In the words of Seth Godin, “your audacious life goals are fabulous. We’re proud of you for having them. But it’s possible that those goals are designed to distract you from the thing that’s really frightening you—the shift in daily habits that would mean a re–invention of how you see yourself.”
Think about it, it’s harder to attain things like happiness and charisma the more you want them and time you spend thinking about them… Take for example being “cool.” The more you want to be cool, the more you want people to like you, the more likely you’re probably lame as fuck. If you want to be fit, all the time you spend thinking about being fit, and wanting to be cut, is time that you could be fit and progress towards being cut. Don’t let you desires hold you back from attaining them.
Do, don’t wish. Act, don’t want. Actualize, don’t dream.
So let’s do a quick 3-step exercise to put this into action, I’ll even do it with you for better context.
1. What do you want? Values > Feats. Feats wear off. Values live on. Plus, “if you’re not happy now, you’re not going to be happy when you get what you want” – Charlie Houpert.
For me, “what I want” all circles around 4 values that I’ve identified that lead to personal fulfillment in my life. 1. Charisma & Relationships, 2. Actualizing Mission: To help people thrive doing what they love, 3. Fitness 4. Adventuring and Trying New Things…
For this exercise I’ll focus on Adventuring and Trying New Things.
YOUR TURN. Write down 3 values. Pick one that really excites you.
2. Now that you’ve narrowed down, ask yourself, what is one thing you can do now (and begin to do more often over time), that would help you actualize this desire?
For me, I’ve always spent way too much time listening to music, and trying to take over speaker control whenever the parties getting started. I’ve marveled at the lifestyle and feel of performing as a DJ. Having the parties lifeblood at your finger tips.
Obviously, becoming the next Flume or Disclosure is a long shot, but I’m not interested for the fame, more so for the ability to breath life into an audience and recycle the joy I’ve found in good music.
All I needed to make this happen was to reach out to a DJ friend and ask if they could show me the ropes. Overtime, to build this into a habit, all I would have to do is learn the fundamentals and start to practice on my own time, so I did. Simple as that. Now I have an incredibly fulfilling thing to do when I get bored, so I don’t get bored. Super simple, little squeeze, lots of juice. Who knows where it’ll take me, but I don’t care, I’m focused on right now.
YOUR TURN. What is one action you can do to start to actualize what it is that you said you want? No lofty bullshit. One action. Doesn’t have to be the end all be all, but simply the first step.
3. When will you get this done by. Ask yourself, make a mental or physical note in your calendar. That way as the time approaches, you will have already internalized that you’re going to do it, so you’ll be less likely to put it off.
I will practice DJ’ing for one hour Thursday night after dinner. TOO EASY. Seems too good to be true, but it’s not.
Don’t focus on the end goal, only the beginning. As you’ll see, you’ll maximize your returns early on but building the habit. It won’t take years, it’ll take a week, and you’ll feel the returns immediately.
YOUR TURN. Where and when will you take the first step. Write it down, make it happen.
So, to close on a thought. Why spend another minute wanting something, thinking about how great it’ll be once you have it; and instead ask yourself, what can I do right now to start reaping those exact same benefits. One option leaves you wanting what others have, the latter leaves others wanting what you have… The choice is yours.